Pre-Marital Counseling

We’re very excited for your engagement and for all that God will do in and through you both as you move toward and then into marriage. Thank you for the privilege of allowing us to walk alongside you during this momentous time of your lives. Below outlines what you can expect from pre-marital counseling (PMC) at Anchor.

What’s the Point of PMC?

There are five purposes for pre-marital counseling:

  1. We want to help you build a solid, biblical foundation as you start your marriage. So, we’ll spend a lot of time in Scripture and thinking through biblical ideas as they apply to marriage. 
  2. We want to help you begin a dialogue about your marriage. There are a host of topics  (communication, finances, sex, parenting, etc.) that we think are important to consider before you get married. The good news is that the conversation we are beginning is a life-long process. We’ll solve some problems, but many others will be left for you to work through over the course of your entire marriage. So, we’ll initiate the dialogue, and leave the rest to you. 
  3. We want to point out potential areas of conflict in your relationship. We are all sinners. No relationship is perfect. Despite all of your pre-marital bliss, you are going to have problems, conflict, and struggles in your relationship. We want to help you address these difficulties sooner rather than later. So, the more honest you are about your struggles, the more you will facilitate our ability to help you adequately prepare for marriage. 
  4. We want to help preserve you from temptations. Lots of Christian couples do a good job of preserving themselves from premarital sex, but once they get engaged, they let down their guard and begin falling into sexual temptation. Men and women rationalize premarital sex with thoughts like, “We’re engaged, which means we are practically married already;” or, “We’ll be married soon, so what does it matter?” We want to help you fight temptation and stay pure until the wedding day! 
  5. We want to prepare you for the marriage, and not just the wedding day. We often find that couples get caught up in the frantic details of preparing for the wedding day, and don’t spend much time getting ready for the marriage. We definitely DO care about that special day, but we care far more about the fifty years that will follow. Premarital counseling is meant to slow you down and help you think about the long-term relationship.

What’s Involved in PMC?

Pre-marital counseling involves five sessions with one of our pastoral staff. The counseling will range anywhere from 5 to 10 hours total, not including homework.  

Here is our three-fold strategy for premarital counseling:

Read

You’ll be assigned the entirety of Rob Green’s Tying the Knot (“TTK” below). Please purchase a copy/copies ASAP. Men, we highly recommend purchasing a copy of Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God and reading it in totality as well. Ladies, you are certainly welcome to do the same.

Talk

You will have lots of conversations - with your future spouse, with the pastor, with other couples in the church, etc. These conversations will both prepare you for the wedding day and prepare you to grow in godliness beyond that special day.

Listen

We will recommend, but not require, a number of sermons to listen to that will reinforce the material we are studying.

PMC Homework

Session 1: Complete Symbis Compatibility Report & Listen to Introductory Podcast

  • Read. Please read the following documents even if Anchor is not hosting your wedding as it will help you think about important categories for this important day.
  • Talk. For this first session, instead of talking, please write 1-2 paragraphs about the following three things:
    • The story of your conversion to Christ. 
    • Your physical standards of conduct between now and your wedding day. 
    • The reasons you want to marry your fiancé.
  • Listen. The Importance of Premarital Counseling (Rob Green interview)
    • Write down 2-3 helpful ideas

Session 2: Jesus as Center in Life & Love

  • Read. Please read Chapters 1-2 of TTK and complete the homework in separate documents.
  • Talk. Upon completion of homework, discuss your findings with one another before the session.
  • Listen. The Functional Centrality of the Gospel (Mike Bullmore sermon)
    • Write down 2-3 helpful ideas

Session 3: Jesus as Center in Conflict & Roles

  • Read. Please read Chapters 3-4 of TTK and complete the homework in separate documents.
  • Talk. Upon completion of homework, discuss your findings with one another before the session.
    • Take time to consider and finalize what your vows will be (see Anchor Wedding Policy Manual)
  • Listen. War of Words (Paul Tripp sermon)
    • Write down 2-3 helpful ideas

Session 4: Jesus as Center in Speaking & Spending

  • Read. Please read Chapters 5-6 of TTK and complete the homework in separate documents.
  • Talk. Upon completion of homework, discuss your findings with one another before the session.
  • Listen. Generous Like Jesus (Josh Hurst sermon)
    • Write down 2-3 helpful ideas

Session 5: Jesus as Center in Community & Intimacy

  • Read. Please read Chapters 7-8 of TTK and complete the homework in separate documents.
  • Talk. Upon completion of homework, discuss your findings with one another before the session.
    • Find a married, Christian friend of the same gender and ask them these questions:
      • What is the key to marital fidelity?
      • What do you feel are the ingredients for a good sexual relationship?
      • What should I know before my Honeymoon?
      • What have been some of the pitfalls in your sexual relationship with your spouse?
  • Listen. Sexual Relations in Marriage (John Piper sermon)
    • Write down 2-3 helpful ideas

Questions about pre-marital counseling?

Let us know how we can assist you.

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